Life Unfiltered - Balancing Act

Navigating Motherhood, Business and Life's Unexpected Challenges

It has been a minute. Firstly, my apologies to you. I know I promised a blog every fortnight but I do not know where the time has gone. It's been a whirlwind as I've been fully immersed in Amber's recovery journey admist various visits to the hospital and endless care. I actually wrote this blog while I was sitting in hospital just after Ambers surgery. Since we got home, I haven't had a minute to myself. Believe it or not, but I'm actually sitting on a beach in Barcelona finishing this off! So, without further ado, let's get into it.

Saturday 11 May 2024

Life has a way of testing us in unexpected ways, pushing us to juggle multiple roles and responsibilities with grace and resilience. As a special needs mum and a businesswoman , I have faced my fair share of challenges, from navigating Amber's major surgeries to managing the demands of running a business while prioritising my own mental and emotional well-being.

On Thursday 9th May Amber underwent major hip surgery, a daunting experience that tested my strength, resilience, and ability to juggle the demands of parenthood and entrepreneurship. Because lets face it if I don’t work, I don’t get paid and if I don’t get paid the mortgage & those bills that land at my doorstep every month will not get paid either.

Currently, I am sat in the intensive care unit at the John Radcliffe Hospital while Amber is sedated following a seven hour hip reconstruction surgery. I am a bag full of nerves and the only question that keeps going around in my head is how I’m going to get through this. Its bloody tough when its all riding on me. However, being in this situation has made me understand more so the importance of finding balance amidst life's chaos.

Something I generally practice in my daily life is to trying to find balance given the pressures I have, but it takes moments like this that bring it to the surface even more. When I first launched this blog, I remember putting a story up on my Instagram, asking you what you'd like to see more of. I was overwhelmed with the amount of you who said you wanted to read and know more about how I look after myself and create balance. All those responses have inspired me to share with you the strategies and tips that have helped me manage the various hats I wear as a single parent, caregiver, and entrepreneur all while at trying to protect my own well being. I want to share with you 7 key strategies that have helped me manage the various roles and responsibilities that I juggle.

Celebrate Small Wins

Amber & I celebrate every single small win! Its how we've aways been. Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, in both your business and personal life. Recognize your progress, efforts, and milestones to stay motivated and positive.

Cultivate a mindset of gratitude and appreciation for the moments of joy, success, and progress along your journey. Celebrating small wins fuels your resilience and perseverance in the face of challenges. It provides a sense of progress when you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed. It fosters resilience and positivity, which intern cultivates a positive mindset and resilience that is essential for navigating the ups and downs of motherhood, business and life is uncertainties. It improves mental well-being because it triggers the release of the feel good hormone, dopamine, which instantly elevates your mood and reduces stress levels.

Prioritise Self-Care

I actually hated this one but it's the most important and one that I have grown to love. People used to tell me to practice self-care all the time. In my mind I was always thinking ' How on earth do I do that, you're not in my shoes, you won’t understand'. How do I explain that taking some time out to even have a coffee is difficult let alone prioritise self-care, and also, how can my self-care be a priority when I have a medically vulnerable and complex child relying on me?! But it wasn't until I actually thought about this that I realised, if I don't fill my own cup, and I don't take care of myself first, my cup will never be full which means Amber’s cup will be empty and that's just a risk I’m not willing to take. Knowing this now, I do prioritise myself care & I love it. The truth is that I matter & I deserve to look after myself too.

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to neglect your own well-being. Remember that self-care is not selfish; it's necessary. Take time each day to nurture your mind, body, and soul, whether it's through meditation, exercise, or simply indulging in activities that bring you peace and joy. For me it's looking forward to a peaceful evening skincare routine, or meeting a friend for coffee and a chat for example.

Establish Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential for maintaining work-life balance, improving time management, promoting self-care, managing stress, and enhancing relationships and communication. By setting clear boundaries in motherhood, business, and life, you create a foundation for navigating challenges with greater resilience, effectiveness and well-being.

As a mum and businesswoman, it's crucial to set boundaries to protect your time, energy, and mental health. Learn to say no to commitments that do not align with your priorities and delegate tasks whenever possible to lighten your load. But most importantly learn to distant yourself from anything or anyone that disturbs your inner peace, mental and/or emotional!

Seek Support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help & build a supportive network

In the journey of managing responsibilities, one of the most crucial strategies is to embrace the idea that it's okay to ask for help and to cultivate a supportive network around you. I never use to ask for help as I hate the feeling and thought of putting somebody else out. It's common to feel like we need to handle everything on our own, but the truth is that seeking help and building pillars of support around us can significantly ease the burden. Whether it’s relying on friends and family for emotional support, reaching out can not only lighten the load but also provide fresh perspectives and solutions to challenges.

My partner and family have been amazing in lending a hand when I've needed it, and it has truly lightened my load. I often feel hesitant to ask for help because I worry about inconveniencing others or being a bother, but reaching out to them has shown me the power of relying on those who care about me. It's okay to lean on others and build a network of support to make managing responsibilities easier and less overwhelming.

Stay Organised

Managing multiple responsibilities requires a solid organisational system. I get it, we cant stay oraginsied all the time and admitly I can be really scatty when I haven't done something as simple as make a to do list because guess what I'm human and I forget things. So I allow myself the time to stay ahead of tasks. I have a daily to do list which I keep in the notes section of my phone. I refer to this very quickly the night before so in my mind I know exactly what needs to be done the following day.

Use tools like calendars, to-do lists, and time-blocking techniques to stay on top of appointments, deadlines, and tasks. Prioritise tasks based on urgency and importance to ensure you stay focused and productive.

Practice Gratitude

If I'm completely honest with you, I really struggle with this one especially when lifes challenges can really throw you off guard. Our brains have a natural tendency to focus more on negative experiences and emotions than positive ones. This negativity can make it challenging to shift our attention towards gratitude when facing difficult circumstances it can be hard to find things to be grateful for in all the chaos and stress

However, In the midst of these challenges, it's important to cultivate a spirit of gratitude. Despite the challenges gratitude has numerous benefits from mental, emotional and physical well-being, it's essential to acknowledge the difficulties we may face in cultivating gratitude and finding strategies that work best for us to foster a mindset of appreciation and thankfulness. Take time each day to reflect on the blessings in your life, no matter how small. Gratitude has the power to shift your perspective, increase resilience, and bring a sense of peace and contentment amidst the chaos.

I never thought I would be this person, and in all honesty, I never really believed in it until I started doing it. It all started that very night that I attended the Shivani Pau Goal Setting Workshop back in December. At that point, it was everything I needed. Every night before bed, I write down three things that I am grateful for even when I've had a bad day, because this helps me to regroup and focus my mind on the good things that are happening, and it allows me to distance myself from anything negative or any sadness that I may be experiencing. I'm not saying that I stop feeling negativity, but practising gratitude goes a long way in switching to a much happier and grateful space.

Create something you love

I have fallen in love with my business and although I can’t take on as much as I would like given I’m my daughters primary carer, I still make time for the things I love. I’m currently sat on the beach in Barcelona with a Strawberry Daiquiri Mocktail finishing off this blog. I have given every inch of my being over the last two months getting Amber through her surgery and recovery. Where is rewarding as this is, it really had an impact on me both physically and mentally. It has been brutal this time, and there were moments when I thought I just couldn't carry on. I’ve faced some serious moments of weakness. But I knew I had to get her through the other end. So this was exactly what I needed. Some time alone for rest and recovery to get back to full strength for my little girl.

The mum guilt seriously kicked in a few days before I was about to fly to Barcelona for a destination wedding. Guilty about leaving Amber, worried about her health while I’m not there but I made sure every single provision was put into place before I left and I knew I could get back in an emergency if I needed to.

I feel so blessed that my job allows me to travel. I get many destination wedding enquiries a year, but given my role with Amber I only take on one. I organised my time on this trip so that I could have some me time. Sitting on a beach, listening to those ocean waves is one of my favourite things to do and I took full advantage of it knowing I would be in warmer weather away from my daily responsibilities and allowed myself to take the day to enjoy the things that make me happy. I walked around the city and visited a few of Barcelona's iconic landmarks. Indulged in some Tapas. Enjoyed a long walk along Port Vell, admiring the beautiful yachts and soaking in the hot sun. I knew I wouldn't have another chance to do this this summer.

This blog makes me realise how important it is to take time now to do what you love. It’s about filling your own cup and then pouring into others and in my case pouring into Amber.  Finding the joy in small things that makes me appreciate the life I have.

So my point here is to create something for you. Sometimes we don't get the life we envisioned, but you can create a little life within that, that you once imagined, and enjoy those small moments. Once you learn how to do that you will begin to fall in love with all those other other parts of your life (I hope that makes sense)

In closing

As I share my journey of navigating the unexpected challenges of motherhood, business, and life as a mother of a special-needs child, I want to remind you, that its okay not to feel ‘okay’ & despite my focus on positivity and the strategies that I try to focus on like the above, I am human too. Yes I cry, I breakdown and often think ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’. Balancing the care of a vulnerable child, striving to build a future, and managing ongoing finances can be incredibly demanding. There have been numerous times when I've felt overwhelmed and faltered. However, in those moments, I've always managed to find the strength to pick myself back up.

It's essential to acknowledge every single one of your feelings - good or bad. So that we can address them deal with them and pick ourselves back up again. The path may be tough, but by embracing our humanity, seeking support, and persevering through the challenges, we can continue moving forward with resilience and determination.

Remember, it's okay to stumble, but it's in our ability to rise again that true strength and growth lie. The above tips have been instrumental in helping me maintain my sanity, find moments of joy amidst the chaos, and stay grounded in the face of life's challenges.

I hope these tips resonate with you and provide practical guidance on how to navigate the complexities of motherhood, business ownership, and life's unexpected challenges.

My love always,

Speak soon x